It's time for a real update...

The last several weeks have been full of change.
change in the home.
(i've been painting and redecorating like crazy)
change in the heart.
(i've accepted the reality that life is 99% Bullshit)
change in my mind.
(i've been seeing the world differently)

Changing my environment has been helpful and healing.
my heart aches for real friends, for some kind of female companionship...
i'm beyond thankful for Lance,
and his infinite patience and understanding,
along with his willingness to talk about the vague
philosophies of the soul, and to teach me daily his wisdom,
which has been sprouted from years of research and study
of the things that matter most to me in the world.

ALSO:

i started reading thomas merton again.
thank God for his words, and the fucking validation i get from reading them.

i started taking a kickboxing class.
and it feels fucking amazing to beat the shit out of something,
even if it's just padding. i feel so tuff.

i've been taking yoga the past month or so.
i love how free and clear my mind and body feel.

i might have an opportunity to start teaching a hip hop class.
i would get paid to do something i love,
while mentoring a group of young girls.
(we'll see how that turns out.)

i started running with Lance.
(okay only once so far, but i want to do it more often)
while doing this, i learned to face some painful places
in my first chakra, which have opened up the movement
of so much energy, it feels miserable and breathtakingly beautiful
all at once.

i'm still madly in love with my boyfriend.
pretty much every single day for the past 3 months that
i've lived here, he proves to me subtly why i moved here for him.


the latest highs:

going to see ben gibbard (deathcab for cutie)
and david bazan (pedro the lion) play at First Ave with Lance.
= FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

accomplishing my goal of painting the disaster in our
dining room (a hideous dark wooden wall) and transforming
it into a peaceful and soothing transition piece in the house.

the kickboxing/running gig...
i never like to run, and am not usually super active,
save for dancing and waitressing.

the latest lows:

after over a month of busting my ass to get hired
at Urban Outfitters, found out i was not chosen.
i thought i did an amazing interview, etc. etc. but
they apparently found someone more (or less) qualified than i. this is the worst kind of rejection.

i also applied to perform/compete at Miss Exotic World 2007.
because there were over 350 applicants, and only 40 performer
slots, i was not selected. major bummer.

i apparently suck at making new friends.
i find myself not even wanting to attempt it lately,
mostly because i feel like i'm shooting an arrow and missing the target,
and possibly because i'm entirely too particular about my friends in the first place. either way, i have yet to make friends here.
while i have the most attentive and loving boyfriend i could ask for,
a girl needs other girls to kick it with. seriously.

so that's my life... lately.
"TO HOPE IS TO RISK FRUSTRATION. THEREFORE, MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO RISK FRUSTRATION." -thomas merton

i've been raking leaves all damn day.

and drinking lots of beer.

and listening to old sounds like

armor for sleep, alexis on fire, and

tegan and sarah.

yay.

and my sexy man did a fashion show for me,

and made me a heaping plate of eggs & grilled veggies.

yum.

and tonight i get to go see Modest Mouse.

and i got to talk to 2 old and lovely friends today.

hmmm... life is good.

Wow, I forgot all about this site...

I now live in Minneapolis, MN.

Life is very different, and I am happy.

It's definitely hard living in a new city.

I've been here for over 2 months now.

I miss so many friends, from so many places.

Sometimes it feels like everywhere I

go I'm a stranger,

maybe I like it that way.

If you're reading this,

I have probably not talked to/heard from you

in AGES... please forgive me.

If anyone wants to get a hold of me,

email me, and I can give you my info.

sagittarius_riley@hotmail.com.

I spend way more time on myspace these days,

but I think I might return to dear old Xanga.

Love to you All.

Currently Listening The Greatest By Cat Power see related